Before starting, I would like to briefly share my testimony. It's all too familiar to most people so I'm sure you can relate. I was born and raised in the church for the most part of my years. My mother experimented with different religions till she was convicted by God and hence we became Christians. For most of my elementary and young adult years I was shuffled to church mostly out of obligation. I liked God but I didn't really like the whole idea of spending 4 hours at church (yes our services were long). But I continued to go while living my other life. My "youth life" as I liked to call it. I liked partying with my friends, drinking, flirting (I was a huge tease). I simply liked knowing I could get any guy I wanted. I liked knowing these men were attracted to me, very much so an ego booster. I would go as close to the line, literally right on the edge without crossing it. I did as much as I could to enjoy myself as long as I could get away with it. If there wasn't an immediate consequence I thought I was alright. There was a lot of rationalization in my mind. In general, I thought I was good; went to church, wasn't doing drugs, wasn't "sexing." I was OK. I loved God.
College was a whole another ball game. Because of my sheltered upbringing I wanted to rebel; and I did. I wanted to experiment with things I didn't get a chance to try in high school. Freshman year was quite a mess. I often looked back at the experience and remember still feeling empty. A classmate from high school who attended my school invited me to a Christian ministry. This ministry called "The Gathering" really served as a vessel in my first "spiritual awakening." This was sophomore year and I began to actively go to church and "attempt" to build a relationship with Christ. I still kept associating with people from my past which very much hindered my growth. 2 steps forward resulted in 10 steps back. Quite frustrated with my relationship, I settled back into my old self and went to church only when I felt like it. I knew the only way to grow was to be surrounded by people who were on the same path or at least attempting to be on the same path as I was. I prayed and ask God that if He really wanted me that He should bring a new set of people into my life that would encourage me in my walk with Christ. Guess God really did want me. Junior year out of the blue, I was surrounded by new friends who were walking with Christ and very much serious in their walk with him. I knew I had to step up my game.
Flash-forward to today. I look back at my journey in finding Christ and realize it's called a journey for a reason. I was always under the impression that once I found Christ - that's it, I would be perfect, I reached the top of the mountain. What a terrible perspective to have! Because as humans we'll NEVER be perfect. We will only face frustration if we think we can achieve perfection. In my walk with Christ I realize I was never totally submissive with everything. I gave Him parts of me and kept parts of myself. The only way to receive the blessings from a true relationship with Christ is to be TOTALLY submissive to him. I know this is very strange. You're thinking I'm submissive to him. I thought I was as well. What I mean by submission is realizing that your life is not your own. You waking up and going to work or school or wherever is by the grace of God. God can very much take that life back if he pleases. This should not be a scary thought but a beautiful revelation that God owns you and He's willing to direct your footsteps in life if you let Him!
For the first time in my short lived life I'm just realizing what it truly means to be in a relationship with Christ. At this very moment, I am in love with God more than ever. And the feeling is inexpressible. There's so much I want to learn, the Bible is so new to me, granted I've read it several times before. But God is constantly revealing himself to me. I'm yearning to listen intently as my heavenly father, the teacher, teaches me what He wants me to know.
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